Review

Live Chat: Star Trek TOS “Space Seed”

2013-09-10 by jackbnimble. 0 comments

Continuing from our first live chat, some of the originals from the chat room also watched Star Trek TOS “Space Seed.”

Netflix incorrectly classifies Star Trek TOS “Space Seed” as a prequel to the Wrath of Khan. That is like saying Batman Begins is a prequel to The Dark Knight. It isn’t a prequel if it was made first.

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The Enterprise in space.
Jack B Nimble: Somebody airbrushed that ship.
TangoOversway: That’s the CGI redo of the FX
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The viewscreen from the main bridge.
Jack B Nimble: We’ve discovered another patch of empty space.
OghmaOsiris: They’re coming up on empty space fast!
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KIRK: Are you certain of your sensor readings?
SPOCK: Definitely a space vessel of some type.
KIRK: Origin?
SPOCK: Unknown. It could hardly be an Earth ship. There have been no flights into this sector for years.
Jack B Nimble: The ominous music should have tipped them off.
Keen: They may as well have shown Dr. Evil on the viewscreen.
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KIRK: An old Earth vessel, similar to the DY=500 class.
SPOCK: Much older. DY-100 class, to be exact. Captain, the last such vessel was built centuries ago, back in the 1990s.
OghmaOsiris: This optical illusion I’m looking at tells me there’s a sensor analysis.
Jack B Nimble: They must have been geniuses to interpret all those flashing lights.
TangoOversway: Believe it or not, at that time, the controls seemed really space-shippy.
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SPOCK: Hull surface is pitted with meteor scars. However, scanners make out a name. SS Botany Bay.
KIRK: Then you can check the registry.
SPOCK: No such vessel listed. Records of that period are fragmentary, however. The mid=1990s was the era of your last so-called World War.
TangoOversway Picard would have sent Riker over by now. Archer would have just hopped in a shuttle and gone immediately.
Jack B Nimble: Ohura was eaves dropping.
TangoOversway: And now we have the Vulcan/human logic debate McCoy just loves.
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KIRK: Oh, I’ll need somebody familiar with the late 20th-Century Earth. Here’s a chance for that historian to do something for a change. What’s her name? McIvers?
SPOCK: Lieutenant McGivers.
Jack B Nimble: MacGuyver? She is going to build something amazing.
Keen: Do they just keep her in a closet?
OghmaOsiris: Woman in a red shirt. She’s gonna die.
TangoOversway: Now taking bets on whether McGivers dies.
Keen: First she’ll get pregnant and then she’ll die. This was the 60′s.
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The landing party explores the Botany Bay.
Jack B Nimble: Scotty is a great engineer, out of 80 buttons on the panel he found the light switch.
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The ship is found to be full of sleeping passengers.
Jack B Nimble: This space ship only has beds. It is a space ship of ill repute.
OghmaOsiris: Is he wearing gold chain mail?
Jack B Nimble: He is, after all, a warrior
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With the vital signs failing, Kirk attempts to rescue the sleeping man.
TangoOversway: We can’t figure it out — just break it, Jim!
OghmaOsiris: How many captains does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
Jack B Nimble: Negative captain. just the one large blinking green light.
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KHAN: How long?
KIRK: How long have you been sleeping? Two centuries we estimate. Landing party to Enterprise. Come in.
UHURA: Go ahead, boarding party. We read you.
KIRK: Lock in on McCoy’s beam. He’s transporting back with a casualty we discovered here.
MARLA: Magnificent.
TangoOversway: Ricardo Mantalban in fishnets.
Keen: I think Leelo from The Fifth Element wore more than Kahn.
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KIRK: Botany Bay. That was the name of a penal colony on shores of Australia, wasn’t it? If they took that name for their vessel
SPOCK: If you’re suggesting this was a penal deportation vessel, you’ve arrived at a totally illogical conclusion.
Jack B Nimble: Stupid illogical Kirk.
OghmaOsiris: Seriously, what does Spock do??
Jack B Nimble: Spock uses the white and black wheel to hypnotize himself.
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MCCOY: He’ll live.
KIRK: My compliments.
MCCOY: No, I’m good, but not that good. There’s something inside this man that refuses to accept death. Look at that. Even as he is now, his heart valve action has twice the power of yours and mine. Lung efficiency is fifty percent better.
Jack B Nimble: Even in sickbay his shirt is open. His chest must need a lot of air.
Keen: McCoy’s lying, he is THAT good
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Kirk asks McGiver to learn more about Khan
TangoOversway: I like the ginger in this episode a LOT more than the ginger in the last one. OghmaOsiris: I have sheer delight of examining his….mind
Jack B Nimble: All redheads are traitors.
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Khan awakens in sickbay and begins to exercise (or something).
Keen: Even in the 2300′s, hospital gowns show too much.
Jack B Nimble: Let me just warm-up with some Tai Chi
OghmaOsiris: Does he have a native american mullet?
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Khan hears someone approaching, and grabs an antique scalpel from a display case.
TangoOversway: Never saw that display case before or since in any episode.
Keen: What the [expletive] is that wall display?!
Keen: You show off your torture implements like that, not your medical equipment.
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McCoy enters sickbay to examine his patient, and discovers he is awake. MCCOY: Well, either choke me or cut my throat. Make up your mind.
TangoOversway: Odd how it’s there just when Kahn needs it. Old surgical instruments.
Jack B Nimble: McCoy is pretty brave.
Keen: And now McCoy’s captain obvious.
OghmaOsiris: Does McCoy wear eye shadow?
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Kirk questions Khan, who claims he is fatigued. Kirk gives him access to the modern technical documents about the ship.
Keen: Why’s there a [item] sticking out of the wall?
Jack B Nimble:It is a reading light.
TangoOversway: That’s a scanner for the medical readouts above them.
Keen: Men had better hair in the 60′s. At least Kahn did.
OghmaOsiris: I want Kirk’s hair.
Jack B Nimble: Kirk suspects he is dangerous but still gives him technical specs to his ship?
TangoOversway: Yeah, funny, that. Someone asks for technical plans for your fully armed starship and you say, “Sure. Be my guest.”
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McGivers cannot help but be attracted to Khan. Khan explains his position on governments and power.
OghmaOsiris: So, Kahn was a communist?
TangoOversway: No, he was a tyrant.
OghmaOsiris: Same thing.
Jack B Nimble: Benevolent tyrant.
OghmaOsiris: He sleeps with her in 3…2…
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Khan flirts with McGivers.
Jack B Nimble: I would think women would be afraid to sit down in those skirts.
OghmaOsiris: Captain’s orders
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Khan Noonien Singh, professional player.
OghmaOsiris: Where did that mirror come from??
Keen: SPAAAAAAAACE!
TangoOversway: They took it off the bridge, from Uhura’s control panel.
Jack B Nimble: Mirrors spontaneously appear and disappear throughout the ship. It is an old problem of the Consitution class starships.
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McGivers insists that Captain Kirk and the senior staff dress their best for a dinner with Khan.
Jack B Nimble: Those are some hideous dress uniforms.
TangoOversway: Notice Checkov, who recognized the name “Botany Bay” is nowhere to be seen in this entire episode.
TangoOversway: But you do get to see Scotty’s legs in a dress uniform!
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Khan and McGivers discuss the past and present.
Keen: Is he wearing shrinky-dinks on his chest?
Jack B Nimble: They don’t make a shirt for Khan that closes in the front.
Keen: They can’t find a shirt that could contain those magnificent pecs.
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Before heading to dinner Khan woos McGivers into a kiss.
TangoOversway: And I can tell you what censors would have said about that kiss.
Keen: Would they say ‘More!’?
TangoOversway: Same thing they said about every kiss in that whole series. Every time there was any kissing in the script, NBC censors would write back and say, “Avoid the open-mouthed kiss!”
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The senior staff entertains Khan. After some pointed questions from Kirk, Khan once again says he is too fatigued to continue.
Jack B Nimble: Was that Romulan ale? Khan is constantly fatigued.
TangoOversway: He’s a Earth war criminal — and they’re not putting him in the brig?
Jack B Nimble: He is a man of weak constitution.
OghmaOsiris: No no no. Romulan ale is illegal!
TangoOversway: Rule #1: Kahn Lies.
Keen: He’s not a space criminal, so he’s fine by them.
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Back in Khan’s quarters, McGivers visits him.
TangoOversway: I’ll bet he’s not fatigued now!
TangoOversway: Love that profile shot — he was posing so she could paint his picture and put him on a dollar bill for his new government.
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KHAN: Go. Or stay. But do it because it is what you wish to do. Well?
MARLA: I’ll stay a little longer.
Jack B Nimble: In Augment tradition they are married now.
Keen: Kneel before Zod. Wait, wrong show.
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Spock is able to dig up some information on Khan’s past.
Keen: Looks like Powerpoint sucked in the 60′s too.
OghmaOsiris: So, Kahn was Hussain?
Jack B Nimble: He was Mao
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Spock is able to dig up some information on Khan’s past, everyone reaches the same conclusion about Khan.
Jack B Nimble: Khan is a redshirt. He isn’t going to make it.
TangoOversway: Kahn’s in a red shirt. He’s going to DIIIIEEEEE!
Keen: Haha, they found a way to defeat Kahn. They put him in a red shirt!
OghmaOsiris: Hey hey hey! Kahn’s in a red shirt!
Keen: Color-blind people think green shirts die on Star Trek.
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Kirk contronts Khan about his past.
OghmaOsiris: So, is Kahn Spanish? Native american? Indian? what?
Jack B Nimble: He is Middle-Eastern
TangoOversway: Kahn was Asian.
Jack B Nimble: But he also knows Tai Chi
TangoOversway: The actor was hispanic (I think Mexican).
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Khan is confined to his quarters, but quickly escapes.
Keen: Why’d Kahn going through the door, all he had to do to break out was punch one of the cardboard walls.
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Khan, with the assistance of McGivers, transports back over to his ship, which contains his remaining Augments.
TangoOversway: One guard, with his back to the door?
Jack B Nimble: Khan has already mastered the Vulcan neck pinch.
TangoOversway: That’s not Lt. Kyle, so they can kill him.
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Khan awakens the rest of his crew.
Keen: YOGA FOR ALL!
OghmaOsiris: Tai Chi break
TangoOversway: She looks a LOT better in fishnets than Kahn.
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On the bridge, Kirk receives a security alert that Khan has escaped.
Jack B Nimble: Wow, security is slow
OghmaOsiris: Security contacted Kirk… and then Kirk had to request a security alert??
TangoOversway: [Kirk] Spock, you think this has anything to do with me letting him read the tech manuals?
Jack B Nimble: [Spock] I wouldn’t worry about it Captain.
TangoOversway: It’s a command decision to call an alert.
Jack B Nimble: Self Destruct the ship!
Keen: Haha, Spock totally just mocked Kirk for letting Kahn read the tech manuals.
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Khans troops come back to the Enterprise and begin to take over the ship. KHAN: Nothing ever changes, except man. Your technical accomplishments? Improve a mechanical device and you may double productivity. But improve man and you gain a thousand fold. I am such a man. Join me. I’ll treat you well. I need your training to operate a vessel this complex.
Keen: So, Kahn’s an anti-technology luddite? That’s all I got out of his ranting just now.
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The crew attempts to fight back.
Jack B Nimble: The only reason this episode aired was because a white guy hit a black woman.
Keen: Oh, now we get back-handed slapping. Where was that guy during the last episode when all those kids needed to be smacked?
TangoOversway: I think Uhura looks hot with that hair style.
Jack B Nimble: Scotty knocked out an Augment with one punch.
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Khan captures the entire crew. McGivers has second doubts and frees Kirk.
Jack B Nimble: You are such a disappointment, redhead.
Keen: [Darn] gingers.
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Kirk frees Spock and begins to retake the ship.
Jack B Nimble: Shouldn’t Spock physically be an equal match for these Augments?
TangoOversway: Spock might be an equal for ONE Augment.
Keen: That henchman was specifically bred for his superior back-handed slaps.
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Kirk floods the ship with knockout gas, but Khan escapes. Kirk pursues him.
Jack B Nimble: There are too many corners to hide around on this ship.
Jack B Nimble: As captain I would remove all hidden corners first thing.
TangoOversway: Kirk! That was the oldest trick in the book!
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Khan and Kirk’s stunt double engage in hand to hand combat.
OghmaOsiris: Oooh, Kirk knows karate now.
TangoOversway: In this fight, note the cylindrical thingies with handles sticking out from the control panels on the back wall. They’ve never been seen before or since.
Keen: Who thought it was a good idea to install a gym in the middle of Engineering?
Jack B Nimble: They should have brought Chuck Norris out of cryo to fight Khan.
TangoOversway: Chuck Norris doesn’t need Cryo.
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Kirk is able to overcome Khan and his forces.
Jack B Nimble: Why do they keep getting in dress uniforms?
TangoOversway: Scotty’s not wearing his kilt for his dress uniform.
OghmaOsiris: What is that colored thing on Kirk’s vest?
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Kirk offers Khan the option of starting fresh on an unsettled planet. McGivers chooses to go with him.
Jack B Nimble: She doesn’t fit the superior breeding profile. Khan’s children are going to be slow witted.
TangoOversway: But she’s cute and has hot legs.
OghmaOsiris: She has the hips for it
Keen: It’s a shame we’ll never hear from Kahn and friends again…..
OghmaOsiris: Or will we?? BUM BUM BUMMMMM
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The episode ends on an ominous note.
Jack B Nimble: The closing credits have some bizarre stills.

All images pulled from TrekCore

Review – Turbo

2013-07-26 by jackbnimble. 0 comments

Turbo Poster

Turbo is a film that doesn’t know what kind of movie it wants to be. Is it the type of story where the character isn’t satisfied with their existence and hopes for something more from life (such as A Bug’s Life)? Is it a racing movie where the lead character needs to grow up a little (such as Cars)? Is it a super hero origin movie (such as Spider-Man)? Unfortunately this movie is all three, and it doesn’t do a good job with any of them.

Theo / Turbo is a garden snail who happens to live next to the current Indy 500 champion. As such he obsesses and dreams of being a professional racer. After nearly killing himself a few times, trying to prove he is faster than he is, he sets out on a rainy night to get away from his sad slow existence. Eventually he accidently finds himself involved in an illegal drag race. When the driver hits his nitrous oxide Theo / Turbo undergoes a Spider-Man type transformation that turns him into some kind car / snail hybrid. Rather than just making him fast, it also gives him headlights, taillights, a radio, and a backup beeper. From there a series of even more improbable events leads him to have an opportunity to fulfill this dreams.

It is somewhat distracting to me that all of the snails can understand English being spoken by humans. From our perspective the snails also speak English, but of course none of the humans can hear or understand them. It is also distracting that once the nature of this special snail is revealed to the public (and the world at large) that the scientific community doesn’t appear to be at all interested in it.

Overall this movie was not very good. I remember only thinking a couple of things were funny or clever. I saw this movie at a drive-in theater with a number of children. In general those kids were bored and were more interested in snacks than laughing at the movie. I don’t remember really hearing any laughter at all through the film. So even as a movie just for kids I don’t think it delivers well. It reminds me of Bee Movie, which also felt flat.

So in the end this is a movie that is trying to be A Bug’s Life without the diverse bug characters, Cars without the growing up, Spider-Man without the character development, and Bee Movie will all its so called comedy. Maybe there is a demographic who is looking for that kind of movie, but it isn’t adults or children.

Review – World War Z

2013-07-19 by jackbnimble. 1 comments

Warning – This review may contain spoilers or information not immediately obvious from the trailers.

World War Z poster

Like many people when I read the book I was caught up by the all the stories of before, during, and after the zombie apocalypse. The individual stories, the psychological, political, and societal reactions from the characters brought a feeling of how real and terrible the breakdown of society would be.

When I saw the movie I immediately recognized that a lot of that had been taken out in order to create a fast paced action movie. It reminded me of the movie 2012. In that movie you follow a family as they race from one disaster to another trying to escape the destruction of the Earth. World War Z felt very similar. Instead of seeing many accounts across the entire world we follow one man, Gerry Lane (Brad Pitt), and his family while he goes from one disaster to another looking for a solution to the zombie problem.

In the book there isn’t a cure (although there are stories around people claiming to have them). Subsequently the book is about survival. When the book ends societies and the Earth as a whole are forever changed because of the apocalypse. In the movie things are obviously going to be different, but I get the feeling not in the same way.

Everyone everywhere has been talking about how the movie has nothing in common with the book except for the title. Here are some of the things that are in fact the same.

  • Both have zombies.
  • Israel abandons some disputed territories and builds a wall around their protected zones.
  • The initial outbreak area is in East Asia.
  • Major cities fall with people trying to flee to the sea.

Here are some things I think the movie does a poor job of explaining or takes too far.

  • From infection to becoming zombified is super fast sometimes and really slow or non-existent other times. Once that stuff is in your blood it shouldn’t take long for it to latch onto your soul.
  • The portrayal of how bad the teeth are in England (it is too horrifying).
  • The zombies working together to overcome barriers.
  • Zombies are attracted to some sounds, but not other sounds (like sounds made by other Zombies). These zombies are apparently smart enough to distinguish sounds by their origin (even when it is a pop can knocked over by a human that ultimately bursts open).
Zombie with bad teeth.

The real horror here is the dentistry in England.

Overall I felt it was a decent enough zombie action movie. The one question both the book and the movie fail to answer is: If these zombies have unlimited energy why doesn’t anyone think to trap them in giant mount wheel that turns a turbine and get unlimited energy forever? You’d just need a guy or two standing behind a secure window to entice the zombies to move towards you. Think people! Think!

Review – Man Of Steel

2013-06-25 by jackbnimble. 3 comments

Although I went into the film with a few spoilers (having listened to a movie review podcast and seeing a few questions on SciFi.StackExchange) I was surprised by the amount of information I didn’t already know.

Man of Steel

Man of Steel gets arrested after numerous FAA violations.

 

Man of Steel presents a more science fiction origin to Superman than we have previously seen in films. In the comics and cartoons we know that Krypton was technologically advanced and Superman reaps some of the benefits of that, but in the movies the Kryptonian technology seems to be based primarily on crystals and their ability to make houses. In Superman Returns Lex Luthor captures some crystal growing technology and attempts to create a new continent. When asked how he is going to defend it he says he’ll use the advanced technology. Considering it is just him and his idiot henchmen, I have no confidence in his ability to do this. I have great confidence in Zod, because with Man of Steel the technological superiority of the Kryptonians is obvious. Also, they are all supermen.

Superman’s powers are giving a slight polish to the established canon.  Having evolved from a significantly harsher planet, Kryptonians on a whole are highly adaptable. Martha Kent describes the baby Clark Kent as wheezing and coughing through the night as his lungs tried to process Earth air. He gains super strength and speed from the Earth’s young sun. His additional abilities of x-ray vision, heat vision, and telescopic vision are a result of the Earth’s atmosphere. Superman now loses some powers when he is removed from that environment (somewhat… inconsistently). Hopefully the great Superman powers race won’t begin where in every new movie he needs more and more ridiculous abilities (I’m looking at you, Superman IV).

For the first time on film we see the super speed and destructive strength of a super charged Kryptonian at work. The almost teleporting nature of the attacks is what I imagine The Flash would look like.  Speaking of other characters, there are at least two Easter eggs in the film. One referring to Lex Luthor and another referring to Wayne Enterprises. With the exception of the Easter egg billboard in I Am Legend I am not aware of any cross references between any DC heroes before in the films. Everyone knows that DC and WB would love to see the same kind of money from a Justice League movie as Marvel did with The Avengers. Green Lantern didn’t do well, but maybe if Man of Steel does extremely well JL will still happen. If DC wants to do an origin story for every member of the Justice League they still need to do 5 (Flash, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Martian Manhunter, and presumably Batman).

What did I think of it? I felt the movie was fairly slow throughout the middle. The intense action scenes at the start and end seemed to compound the feeling on nothing happening in-between. I find myself frustrated by the mentality of Hollywood that every super hero must reveal their identity on screen (or at all). Batman has told so many people that he is Bruce Wayne he has probably just started printing it in on this business cards.

Secret Identity Card

Secret Identity Card

Sadly the same may be true for poor onscreen Superman.  The action of the film was both amazing and horrifying. This isn’t the same kind of Superman we saw in the 70s and 80s. I walked out thinking the movie was okay.

 

Review: Iron Man 3

2013-05-23 by Beofett. 1 comments

I finally saw Iron Man 3.  Better late than never, right?

I’m actually not so sure.

The movie wasn’t bad, but it definitely wasn’t good.  I really liked the original Iron Man, and felt that Robert Downey, Jr. had really nailed the character of Tony Stark.  Iron Man 2 was a bit of a disappointment, but Mickey Rourke’s performance was a redeeming factor.  Iron Man 3, however, had no comparable standout performances.

I don’t mean to detract from Ben Kingsley’s acting abilities; indeed, he did an admirable job.  Similarly, I cannot fault Guy Pearce in his portrayal of Aldrich Killian.

Rather, I place the blame on the characters themselves.

While I admittedly am not intimately familiar with the comic book series, I know enough about the franchise to have been very interested in seeing The Mandarin introduced as Tony Stark’s latest nemesis.

The Mandarin, played by Ben Kingsley

Nice shades!

The Mandarin, as depicted in Iron Man 3, is a total dud.   To say the character lacked depth is a massive understatement.  The buildup of mystery and menace the movie endeavors to enshroud him in is deliberately and intentionally sacrificed as a major plot device, yet the result of that sacrifice is the revelation of a far lesser menace.

It is clearly supposed to be a surprise twist (I am trying to avoid spoilers), yet the only surprise seems to be “hey, guess what?  The situation is not nearly as interesting as you thought it was. Bet you never saw that coming!”  Yay?

The other major character introduced is Aldrich Killian.  He’s intended to be a brilliant mind in his own right, and the very beginning of the movie clearly shows that the character is supposed to be a foil, and potential antagonist, to the flamboyant genius and showmanship of Tony Stark.  However, the character turns out to be remarkably one-dimensional, and his motivations and overall role turn out to be decidedly generic.

The titular character also lacks the depth seen in the previous titles.  Clearly there is intent to add depth, by highlighting Tony Stark’s insecurities and emotional sensitivities, yet it seems that either the true character-building elements were largely cut from the final production, or what exists was tacked on as an afterthought.

Within the first 20 minutes of the movie, it is established that Tony is having some residual problems from the events at the end of The Avengers.  These problems crop up a couple of times during the movie, yet are never actually resolved in a meaningful way.  Instead, it’s just “stuff he’s dealing with”, and doesn’t really accomplish anything towards adding depth to the character.

Indeed, it feels like it may be tacked on strictly to provide some links to The Avengers, which appears to be a common theme in Marvel Studios’ recent titles.  It seems like they are trying to bring the same breadth and depth to the Marvel Universe on screen that the comics enjoy.  However, instead of meaningful cross-over appearances and side stories that play integral parts of individual story arcs, as seen in many of the printed titles, they are peppering the movies with just enough references for someone who has seen the other films to say “oh, yeah… I know what they’re talking about.”

Unfortunately, this also means that those who have not seen the other films will just find the references confusing or uninteresting.

The movie itself does have some redeeming qualities.  In particular, we are treated to lots of explosions, and some eye-catching special effects.  The confrontation at the conclusion of the movie attempts to incorporate some of these special effects in a meaningful way into the plot, but it doesn’t really make up for a somewhat anticlimactic battle.

The basic plot, however, is somewhat interesting, and we do see some interesting characters along the way.    Harley Keener, played by Ty Simpkins, was perhaps the standout of the movie, and I found the scenes with him better than most of the dialogues with the more prominent characters.

The fight scenes were well-coordinated, and the abilities of the protagonists are both eye-catching and distinctive.

All in all, I found the movie to be a significant disappointment.  It failed to achieve the appeal of the preceding entries in the series, and certainly fell far short of the bar set by The Avengers.

Tony Stark sitting next to his Iron Man suit.

Yeah, it’s that exciting.

Reviews: The Croods

2013-04-04 by DavRob60. 1 comments

The Croods

Easter Monday was a rainy day in Canada. As a result my kids were suffering from boredom. So we checked the local theater schedule. They convinced me and my wife to take them to The Croods. As the kids chose the movie, I wasn’t expecting too much from it and I certainly wasn’t expecting to write a review about it. However, the movie ended up being a nice trip to an amazing fantasy world, so I thought I’d share my thoughts about it.

Some technical specifications that may have affected my viewing experience: My kids barely understand English so we watched version with the French translation. I will not review anything related to the voice acting. As my dear wife cannot support a 3D movie without being sick, we chose the 2D version of the movie. So I cannot say a word about the 3d effects in the movie.  Finally, I ended up eating quite a bit of popcorn on account of having had a light dinner earlier in the evening.

As far as the story goes, I was expecting some kind of hybrid between Brave and Ice Age. We have all seen this: a teenage girl gets rebellious in a prehistoric landscape, sprinkled with action and jokes, nothing new under the sun. But I was pleasantly surprised. This is mostly a story about fatherhood. Yeah, there’s a rebellious girl and a love story, but that is secondary. The main story is really about a father who would do anything to protect his family and has to let his big girl grow up. But enough about the plot, All you need to know is that it was interesting enough, fun enough, and touching enough to be a decent family movie. My kids liked it and I wasn’t bothered by it during the viewing.

Mousephant

What is interesting in this movie, from a fantasy stand point, is the world they created for it, especially the fauna. Most of the species you could see in the movie are some kind of hybrid between two or more modern day species. Mix an elephant with a mouse or an elephant with a giraffe.  Combine a leopard with a bear and an owl. That’s just a small sample of the incredible animals the caveman family encounters on their trip. It’s where this movie shines. Instead of dragging us into another world of silly talking dinosaurs; it creates an original and exotic world that stands on its own. It is what amazed my inner child and surprised me more than once. These inclusions give the movie a unique artistic signature and literally steal the show by the end.

Finally, I would recommend the The Croods as a family movie outing, kids will be happy and, what proud parent would not do this for his offspring? Especially if it involves eating popcorn.

Star Wars Identities : The Exhibition

2012-08-28 by DavRob60. 0 comments

After two unsuccessful attempts to attend it earlier this summer, I finally went to the Star Wars Identities Exhibition in Montreal.

This exposition is presented as a exploration of what forges a person’s identity and uses the different characters of Star Wars to represent this. It’s divided into sections that explore these factors, and in each section, you build your character by responding to questions relative to your character’s identity. The first choice you make is the species of your character. From there you choose genes, parents, a culture, mentors, friends, events, an occupation, a personality, and values. From these choices you build an identity, and this experience is meant to give visitors some insight into how identity is formed.  I was very skeptical about this part of the exposition. If it were about some historic figures, instead of the fictional Star Wars universe, it might have been more interesting to me. Maybe if George Lucas had a Ph.D in Psychology and had made sure his characters were built to reflect the latest scientific research on the subject of identity, I could have better understood the connection. So, while some others visitors around me seemed to enjoy the character identity building, I wasn’t really interested in that part of the exhibition. I did design my own hero and I watched most of the videos on the subjects which were scattered all over the exhibition, but I skipped some in the end. It was not that boring and I would probably have watched all of them if I had had more time. However, there were so many other things I wanted to see.  Anyway, it was a good decision, because after two hours of exhaustive examinations of the other areas the clerks had to kick me out of the showroom because they were closing.

So, the quest to identity yourself as a Star Wars character is not why you should visit this exposition. The real reason to go is to see the impressive collection of original artifacts. Being in the same room with all these objects is something a Star Wars fan should not miss.

First, you can see at least one costume for each of the main characters. The Jedi Knight outfits are a bit redundant, but  Amidala’s dress is beautiful. The real treasures are the Stormtroopers, Bobba Fett, C-3P0, and Darth Vader. All are worth a lengthy examination.  And Chewbacca! You have to stand in front of his fur costume how realize how tall and impressive he is!

I was also quite impressed by the various artworks. They are meant show the progression of the characters identity when they were designed. My favorite was one showing Han Solo as a bearded lightsaber wielder. How awesome it would have been if Han had sliced first!

Additionally, there are many other props, like the ominous Meson Taloscope (Midi-chlorian analyzer), a carbonite frozen Han Solo, and Anakin’s full size pod-racer. But the things I found the most impressive were the starships and the starfighter models. The details on those! I would still be staring at them and discovering new features, if I hadn’t eventually been kicked out.

I really enjoyed my visit to the Star Wars Identities Exhibition and recommend it to every Star Wars fan. I will probably forget about all the identities theories, but will forever remember leaning toward an incredibly detailed Imperial Star Destroyer.

You may check out some of the photos I took during my visit. bitmask also visited the exposition last April, and you can see his photos here. If you want to see the exhibition with your own eyes, the show will be in Montreal until September 16, 2012. It will be in Edmonton, Canada, from October 27, 2012, to April 1, 2013. Note that this exposition is quite popular and I had to buy my tickets a day in advance to finally see it.

Live Chat – Star Trek TOS “And The Children Shall Lead”

2012-08-09 by jackbnimble. 1 comments

Some of the regulars of the Scifi.StackExchange main chat room (Mos Eisley) got together to enjoy (and mock) some Star Trek. The first episode we watched was And The Children Shall Lead, which is considered one of the worst episodes from the original series.

Star Trek TOS – And The Children Shall Lead.


The USS Enterprise arrives at the planet Triacus. (Stardate 5029.5)
TangoOversway: Oh! Cool! Remastered FX!
OghmaOsiris: The Ship is with updated graphics, right?
TangoOversway: Yes, all space shots are remastered. And cool 70s jumpsuits — before the 70s!
They arrive on the planet’s surface to discover the people are dead and dying.
Jack B Nimble: I would have committed suicide if I’d been wearing those clothes too.
Keen: Why doesn’t the Federation ever establish colonies on planets with plants?
OghmaOsiris: I like that people of the future kept the cool Mod look
Keen: Week in week out, rock planets.

Professor Starnes delivers several mad ravings before succombing to madness (of the space variety?).
OghmaOsiris: WATCH OUT FOR THE GUY IN PINK Nurses of the future will kill ya
Jack B Nimble: Kirk’s bad acting killed him.
Keen: Do people serve in the Federation so they don’t have to wear those terrible jumpsuits?
OghmaOsiris: They sign up and put their name in for a lottery. The ones with bad luck get the red shirts. Another clown school drop out
Spock attempts to take readings from the planet.
Jack B Nimble: This planet gets terrible reception
Keen: Hit the TV, that’ll fix it!

To the surprise of the crew, all of the children are alive and unaffected by whatever travesty occured here.
OghmaOsiris: Play with us….forever and ever!
Keen: Kirk is not amused by your playtime shenanigans
Jack B Nimble: Some of those kids look a little old to be playing ring around the rosy
Keen: Space children are stunted developmentally.
TangoOversway: Kirk is upset because he feels the shenanigans are his privilege.
The opening credits.
Jack B Nimble: Did I just hear a split infinitive?
TangoOversway: Oh, remastered theme song, too!
OghmaOsiris: HA! I actually laughed when I heard the theme music start to play lol What happened to the Theramin?

The Enterprise crew buries the dead.
Jack B Nimble: Lining up the tomb stones with the mounds would have been too hard.
Keen: Looks like they turned everyone into tiny piles of dirt.
OghmaOsiris: Why wouldn’t they bury their people back on earth?
Keen: Did they steal the dehydrating weapon from Batman?
The children continue to display no remorse for death of their parents. McCoy speculates they are suffering from amnesia due to the tramatic event.
OghmaOsiris: Children these days No respect, I tells ya
Keen: In the 2100′s, we kids respected our elders!
OghmaOsiris: Damnit Jim!
Keen: We also starved to death when our parents died and left us behind….
Jack B Nimble: I forget, is McCoy a medical doctor or a phychiatrist?
OghmaOsiris: I like how a “Doctor” in the future meant an expert in every medical field ever
Keen: Haha, what the hell kind of flag is that?!

Kirk starts to feel anxiety after entering the cave.
OghmaOsiris: “Someone messed with my presets…” “MCCOY!!!”
Keen: Kirk’s going to start dancing….
OghmaOsiris: The LSD is kicking in
TangoOversway: I’m getting a feeling of anxiety from the writing in this place.
Spock continues to scan the cave to try and determine the source of the anxiety.
OghmaOsiris: Silly humans.
Jack B Nimble: It must have been convenient for the tv crew to have Spock carrying around a DAT tape during all the filming.

The children have been brought aboard the Enterprise. Nurse Chapel offers to give the children ice cream.
Keen: Does that girl have flowers pinned to her dress? I guess the tailors were also high in the 60′s.
TangoOversway: That wasn’t a computer lady. It’s Nurse Chapel. And she was married to Gene Roddenberry at the time.
Keen: Exactly, she was the computer in later Treks.
OghmaOsiris: You mean the voice of the computer? And Luxuiana Troi
TangoOversway: Oh, the voice work. She was the computer in this series, too.
Jack B Nimble: After serving with Captain Kirk she requested to be turned into a mindless computer.
OghmaOsiris: Dr. Sung helped.
They (the children obviously) are treated to ice cream while the crew tries to figure out what happened.
OghmaOsiris: So there WERE replicators in TOS
Keen: And spanking them didn’t calm them down, Jim!
OghmaOsiris: Now he’s a pediatrician…
Jack B Nimble: The drugs seem to be working though.
OghmaOsiris: “God I hate kids…” Kirk sleeps with her in 3…2…
Keen: The computer lady made a terrible mistake when she fed all the kids only ice cream. Good luck keeping the kids calm now.
OghmaOsiris: This episode is like a Benneton ad…
Keen: On the other hand, being able to just eat ice cream for meals is another sign that the Federation is a utopia.
Jack B Nimble: Without gaining any weight.

Kirk questions the oldest boy (Tommy) about the cave and death of his father. Tommy talks back to Captain Kirk.
Keen: Kirk’s never going to get the truth out of this ginger.
Jack B Nimble: Lousy redhead is a trouble maker.
OghmaOsiris: Ginger on the loose
After the adults leave, the children gather in a circle and begin to chant.
Jack B Nimble: Oh I see, they are a coven of witches.
OghmaOsiris: Light as a feather stiff as a board….light as a feather stiff as a board…

Gorgon, a shimmering figure, appears as a result of the chanting. He tells the children no one will tell them where to go or what to do anymore.
Keen: So the villain [of] this episode is Bloody Mary? Err, I guess it’s evil Pavarotti.
OghmaOsiris: Chef Boyardee! Is he wearing a couch?
Keen: “no one will tell us where to go” except me…
Jack B Nimble: The writers were only able to come up with two descriptive nouns. Friends and enemies.
Keen: Sounds like the kids joined a cult.
Jack B Nimble: The friends of our enemies are not in fact friends but enemies of the friends which we think are our enemies while also not being friends.
On the bridge of the Enterprise. Sulu: “Maintaining standard orbit, Captain.”
OghmaOsiris: Oh myyyyyyyy
Keen: Finally we get to see the bridge crew! Chekov, say ‘nuclear wessels’! He didn’t associate it with that godawful purple jumpsuit?
OghmaOsiris: I swear, when I watched the TOS movies, they made EVERY possible excuse to make Chekov say wessles

The bridge crew examines some of Professor Starnes’ tapes. “I’ve felt a certain growing feeling of uneasiness.”
Keen: I think that’s a clear sign of a mentally imbalanced person.
Jack B Nimble: He should be most uneasy about his outfit.
TangoOversway: Glad I have the Writer’s Guide to show he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Is that pink, puse, or purple? (His outfit, that is.)
OghmaOsiris: Muave
Jack B Nimble: TangoOversway, The answer is “yes.”
Keen: In all these videos he’s standing in front of the sky or rocks. Did they not have housing?
Tommy suddenly appears on the bridge. “Captain, after we leave here, can you take us to Marcos Twelve?”
Jack B Nimble: Here comes fists of fury.
OghmaOsiris: rock paper scissors, shoot! GINGER
Keen: Did…did that ginger just [obscene gesture] away the scientist’s video…
OghmaOsiris: So, what does Spock…do?
Keen: Make Sulu say ‘Oh my’.
OghmaOsiris: I know he’s science officer, but it seems that McCoy is doing all the science
Jack B Nimble: As with every military vessel, children are allowed to roam around care free.
Jack B Nimble: Even on the bridge.
Keen: Worked for Wesley on the Enterprise D. Wait, no it didn’t. It proved to be a terrible idea.

More children appear on the bridge and through a series of hand gestures are able to hyponotize most of the crew. Sulu causes the Enterprise to break orbit.
Jack B Nimble: Sulu is stoned at work again.
Keen: That ginger’s making obscene gestures again.
Jack B Nimble: These are the children of the corn.
OghmaOsiris: And, all the other crew who are watching what the kids are doing just stand there, lol
Jack B Nimble: Hopefully Spock will jetison them into space.
Keen: It’s the only logical thing to do.
Down in Engineering another kid influences the crew. Mister Scott walks in and discovers the ship has left orbit.
OghmaOsiris: Red shirts.
OghmaOsiris: Death in 3….2….
Keen: Red shirt on red shirt violence! NO ONE WINS.
Keen: Oh man, Scotty put the smack down on that red shirt. I was hoping for an insta-kill. :(
OghmaOsiris: I like that hitting someone in the back knocks them out
Keen: When you can do that, who needs a Vulcan Neck Pinch?
TangoOversway: Because when they use a neck-pinch, it’s non-violent and Vulcans are pacifists.

In Kirk’s quarters Kirk, Spock, and McCoy continue to review the professor’s log. “I’m being influenced to do things that do not make sense.”
OghmaOsiris: Was the music part of the record?
Keen: Spock’s got quite the mancrush on that guy.
TangoOversway: Whatever overwhelmed them was probably the bad writing.
Keen: Spock was practically shaming Kirk into being a better scientist. Now McCoy’s an anthropologist.
TangoOversway: It’s a slash thing. And McCoy leaves like a hurt puppy with his tail between his legs.
Kirk orders two red shirts to beam down to the planet, a planet to which the Enterprise is no longer in orbit.
Keen: Yup, Kirk just offed two red shirts by spacing them.
Jack B Nimble: Transport them into space!
TangoOversway: What’s weird is the transporter room wasn’t always purple.
Keen: TangoOversway, It’s another sign that everyone’s high.
OghmaOsiris: Dead and they didn’t even get a moving part
Jack B Nimble: Transporter operator “We don’t need to initiate a beam before energizing. Energize away!”
TangoOversway: They’re not dead — they haven’t been in space even 25 seconds.
Keen: I was hoping they’d show the two dead guys out in space when Spock turned on the viewscreen.
TangoOversway: Quick, Spock! Beam them back aboard!
OghmaOsiris: So… the computer didn’t tell them that there was no planet for them to beam down to?
TangoOversway: The Angel kept them from seeing it.
Keen: They’re red shirts, you can only allot so much time trying to save them.

Back on the bridge Gorgon appears to everyone.
OghmaOsiris: Witches!
TangoOversway: OghmaOsiris, don’t give them that much credit!
Keen: Who you gonna call?
OghmaOsiris: Couch Boyardee is back!
Jack B Nimble: I say they self destruct the ship and call it a day.
Keen: It’s the only way to be sure.
OghmaOsiris: Make them take the Kobiashi Maru 8 year olds obviously know how to pilot a ship
Sulu (and others) are hypnotized and begin to see some of their fears.
Keen: No, not the space swords! Noooooo
Jack B Nimble: Our ship is no match for giant swords.
OghmaOsiris: A fencer’s worst nightmare!

Ohura sees herself aging in a mirror.
OghmaOsiris: MY hAir
Keen: Where did that mirror come from?!
Jack B Nimble: Ohura is so vain, to have a mirror right at her station
OghmaOsiris: And they were worried about having a woman on the bridge…
TangoOversway: And it could have been done so much better — no mirror until the kids do their stuff. Notice there’s no mirror in the shot where Kirk is there. Just in the close up.
Keen: This entire episode could have ended in 5 minutes if Kirk had simply spanked the evil out of all the kids.
OghmaOsiris: No belts in the future.
Kirk struggles with Sulu in an effort to return the ship to the planet.
Keen: Why don’t they mind control Kirk?
Jack B Nimble: Were those swords digitally remastered?
OghmaOsiris: Seriously, why doesn’t Sulu figure out that flying swords in space isn’t that scary?
Keen: He’s got a crippling case of space-swordphobia.
TangoOversway: Because Kirk is just so awesome you can’t mind control him. Oh, wait.

Kirk attempts to confront Tommy.
Jack B Nimble: Why doesn’t he punch the redhead in the face?
Keen: Kirk, just backhand the ginger.
OghmaOsiris: Right in the nads.
Keen: Kirk’s really got to go to the bathroom. Excellent, this is Shatner’s time to AAAACCCCTTT!
KIRK “I’m losing command. I’m losing the Enterprise. The ship is sailing on and on. I’m alone. Alone. Alone. I’m losing command.”
OghmaOsiris: I love you Spock.
Jack B Nimble: Kirk’s mind and ego is so fragile. It’s just sad.
Keen: He stops hugging Spock as he ‘regains command’.
Jack B Nimble: Forever lost? In Space? That is the wrong TV show Scotty
OghmaOsiris: Scotty looked better fat with a stache lol

Kirk attempts to reestablish control of the bridge.
OghmaOsiris: Kill the children! Especially the ginger!
Jack B Nimble: I was in favor of killing the children from the moment I saw them.
Keen: YES, SPACE THE CHILDREN!
OghmaOsiris: These boots are made for walking.
Keen: It’s a shame this is a space ship and not a democracy.
TangoOversway: Idiot ginger. Horizontal stripes make you look fat — oh, wait, he’s beanpole thin, he needs to look fat.
Keen: Kirk, spin the chair around, make the ginger dizzy! I’d be afraid to be seen if I dressed like couch boyardee too.
Gorgon appears. Spock plays back another recording of the people on the planet.
Keen: Evil always gets the cool clothes.
Keen: It’s a good thing all Federation officers receive top-of-the-line hand to hand combat training, or that could have been ugly.
OghmaOsiris: I’m glad Spock kept that recording on a flash drive. It really saved the situation
Keen: Muumuus still don’t look good 200 years from now.
Jack B Nimble: I guess we won’t use the giant view screen.

Life as it was on Triacus.
Keen: What the, they have a space igloo!
TangoOversway: See- there’s housing there, in the background!
Keen: How do they all live in that tiny thing?
TangoOversway: That dome, that’s barely taller than the kids, can house an entire family.
Jack B Nimble: This is a very close community
TangoOversway: They’ve used domes like that for sets in other episodes. I think they usually were above a stairway leading into the ground or something like that.
Jack B Nimble: I’m disappointed only two redshirts have died so far. But I’m also elated they were killed by Kirk.
After being reminded of their lives with their parents the children breakdown into emotional wreaks. McCoy “They’re crying, Jim. I don’t know how it happened, but it’s good to see. “
Keen: Nothing makes McCoy’s day quite like children crying.
Jack B Nimble: Thanks for your opinion “doctor.”
OghmaOsiris: Now he’s a nanny



The other episode we watched that evening was Space Seed, which Netflix incorrectly classifies as a prequel to the Wrath of Khan. That is like saying Batman Begins is a prequel to The Dark Knight. Stay tuned (the correct frequency is 7) to your inter-webs to catch the transcript from that episode.

Here is a preview: “Khaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnn!” (Not actually in that episode.)

All images pulled from TrekCore

HeroesCon 2012 Report

2012-06-27 by brettwhite. 2 comments

Three representatives from Stack Exchange (Abby, Katey and myself (Brett)) traveled to Charlotte, North Carolina this past weekend to participate in HeroesCon. HeroesCon has a reputation for being one of the friendliest and most fun comic conventions in the United States. We were pleased to find out that the reputation was an understatement! The creators in attendance were all super psyched to be there and the floor was gently packed with enthusiastic and outgoing fans of all ages and fandoms. Even Saturday, usually the biggest day of any convention, managed to feel vibrant, crowded and alive without approaching the mosh-pit levels of closeness that the bigger conventions lean towards.

People line up to spin the wheel at Spandex City

Stack Exchange’s adventure in Charlotte began on the Thursday night before the convention with a SciFi.SE-sponsored pre-party held at local comics shop, Spandex City. This event saw the debut of the now-infamous Stack Exchange Spinning Wheel. How infamous is it? I’ll be getting to that in a bit, but if you went to HeroesCon, odds are you saw (and probably spun) the wheel. While some of the store’s regulars enjoyed some righteous barbecue (from Charlotte’s own Lancaster’s BBQ), the Stack crew asked people questions from our site about their favorite science fiction and fantasy franchises. Game of Thrones? Harry Potter? Legend of Korra? Batman? Questions about all of these and many more were asked that night and throughout the weekend. An answer (note that we did not say right answer) allowed the participant to spin the wheel and win a prize. There was a healthy assortment of SciFi.SE bags, shirts and stickers there for all the winners; some lucky people even won 3-day passes to HeroesCon and comics. Spandex City was super generous with their time and space and we were incredibly thankful for that. The pre-party event went over well thanks to Spandex City’s great environment. If you’re in the Charlotte area, do yourself a favor and check them out! You can watch a video about the event here.

Katey watches the wheel spin

The big event itself started on Friday and lasted until Sunday. We expected that our table, located at the far end of the convention center floor on the edge of the artists’ space, would get some foot traffic. We really expected to spend the entire weekend shooting video content for our YouTube channel (StackHQ) with one person left behind to work the spinning wheel. That…didn’t exactly happen. Little did we know, but people love spinning wheels. And I don’t mean a passive love, I mean an all-consuming and incredibly active love. The kind of love that leads to repeat visits and waiting in long lines. Because we had long lines. For the better part of two days.

The line grows

HeroesCon was our test run into exhibiting at a convention, so we didn’t quite prepare for the massive crowds we received. We had to ration our t-shirts and bags so as to not run out on Friday, although by Sunday all the t-shirts were gone. The same was true for the stock of comics we brought to give out alongside our stickers. Three trips had to be made to the show floor to find more comics for the prize wheel. Thankfully that wasn’t a big problem, although getting receipts from vendors at a comic convention proved more entertaining than I could have predicted. We did learn a few things from working the wheel nonstop for two days:

  • People love spinning wheels (this cannot be reiterated enough)
  • Regardless of the answer given, the spinning wheel is a fun introduction to our site that leads to many smiles and much swag
  • Give away most of the bags and shirts on Friday so that people will be using them all weekend long; by Sunday we became known as the “bag people” because of the high number of our bags on the show floor
  • It takes 3 people to man the booth; 2 to ask questions and 1 to wrangle the wheel’s line
  • People care way more about trivia than swag, although swag is super awesome too; people came back multiple times JUST to be asked more questions
  • Ask kids softball questions and be super awesome to them; they have parents attached to them who will probably like the site if the site’s representatives make their kids happy
  • We need some banners: one that clearly states that the table is a SciFi.SE jam, and another that features a call to action about the spinning wheel (“Can you answer our questions?!” or something)

Since we didn’t get a chance to leave the table for the first two days of the con, we decided to shut down the spinning wheel and make video content our main priority for Sunday. My main goal with HeroesCon was to create video content that could live on the internet forever and reach a wider audience due to having informative content with creators that people care about. The success of the spinning wheel got a bit in the way of that, and led us to learn a few facts about creating video content at a convention:

Best-Dressed

  • Try to bring enough people to a convention so that 2-3 can work the table and another 2-3 can hit the floor to get video content. If only 2-3 people can go to a con, set up a spinning wheel schedule so that all 3 days are relatively equal parts table-sitting and video production.
  • Schedule interviews ahead of time! I had gotten permission from a few comic creators before the con to interview them, but the fluidity of our agreed-upon time led us to spinning a wheel for two days straight. Approaching all your people on Sunday? Not the best idea.
  • Don’t bank on Sunday. Creators are tired by the last day of the con!
All that being said, we did secure some really great interviews. The first three of them are up now and I think they are solid, first attempts at the kind of videos we aim to create at future conventions.
  • Joe Quinones & Maris Wicks: In this interview, we asked the interviewees what their favorite sci-fi or fantasy property was and then centered the interview around discussing that question.
  • Question in Conference Room B with Dean Trippe: This is pretty much the same as what we did with Maris and Joe, except with all of the fun dressings of our web series. Plus the more conversational nature of QiCRB allows the conversation to go in different places. This isn’t just a question-answer interview, it’s a discussion.
  • Kelly Sue DeConnick: This is the main type of interview I want to do. I want to find the writers and ask them questions about the work they have created. Kelly Sue DeConnick is about to take over writing Ms. Marvel (now Captain Marvel), so who better to ask the one Ms. Marvel question on the site? Stack Exchange prides itself on getting expert-level answers, and in sci-fi and fantasy it doesn’t get more expert than the writers themselves.

By the end of the show we made a lot of new friends, came up with a lot of ideas to improve our future con presence, gave a few hundred people hands-on, in-depth experience with SciFi.SE, and created internet content that can be shared and enjoyed until the internet cracks in half. It was a lot of fun! For more photos from HeroesCon, visit the SciFi.SE Facebook page, or keep an eye on our Flickr.

Thanks to Dean TrippeThe Nerdy Show and Flame On! podcasts, Scott C., Kelly Sue DeConnick, Joe Quinones, Maris Wicks, Spandex City, Whitney Cogar and HeroesCon for a great weekend. See you next year!

Harry Potter Movie Marathon Highlights

2012-05-31 by jackbnimble. 5 comments
When you sit down and watch all 8 Harry Potter films in rapid succession a number of things may stand out. Don’t worry you are not alone (well maybe you are, you DID just watch 1180 minutes of Harry Potter).  But even the most astute viewer might have missed some of the more choice observations. Here is a list of clever things to say the next time you are having a Harry Potter marathon. Saying these things will make you appear clever, and witty, and funny, and ingenious.

All the movies:

  • Magically gifted children age at an extremely inconsistent rate. (They aged 6 magic years in 10 human years).
  • All the students immediately outgrew their wizarding robes after the second year, the robes will rarely be seen again.
  • Harry Potter is the only one who gets into trouble for using magic outside of Hogwarts.
  • 16-year-old Voldemort looks nothing like 17-year-old Voldemort (or 11-year-old Voldemort for that matter). If George Lucas had been involved this would have been fixed by the third release of the DVDs.
  • Most of Griffindor (a house based on bravery) is comprised of students too afraid of their own shadows to be of much use half of the time.
  • The “good enough” mentality is just as strong in the magical community.
Composite images of Tom Riddle throughout the Harry Potter films

Yeah, these are all definitely the same person.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone:

  • The Sorting is not conducted in alphabetical order – what kind of system is that? Oh, and you’ll never see another Sorting.
  • It is okay for teachers to play favorites, particularly Heads of Households.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets:

  • Children get injured constantly at Hogwarts and no one raises an eyebrow, but as soon as a few students get temporarily petrified, the future of this 1000-year-old institution is in jeopardy.
  • Sometimes the students age in reverse order.
  • Hagrid’s home (and really all of Hogwarts) is ridiculously overrun with spiders, at least until it no longer serves as a plot device.
Malfoy's miraculous ability to becoming younger as the movie progresses.

Beginning of movie, middle of movie, end of movie.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban:

  • I don’t know what Dumbledore was doing during Harry’s second summer break, but he must have been hitting the gym or something. He started the third year looking like an entirely new man.
  • Malfoy is the only student to get injured for which there appears to be consequences to the staff and other involved parties.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire:

  • For some reason everyone decided that 70s long hair was cool. The girls, the guys, everyone.
  • Harry only uses magic four times (in a movie about wizards).
Goblet of Fire Poster

You can tell Harry is the chosen one by the way his hair flows in the wind.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix:

  • Despite the looming threat of Voldemort’s return, everyone managed to find a barber shop over the fourth year summer break.
  • Harry is a rage-oholic who likes his rage-ohol shouted at, not stirred.

Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince:

  • Harry has apparently become homeless and now lives in a dirty subway tunnel.
  • All of Harry Potter’s problems from the previous movie would have been solved if they just looked in his memories.
  • The Slug Club sounds even worse when spoken aloud.
  • Any fool could look at 11-year-old Voldemort and know he was going to grow up to be a mass murderer.
  • They should be brewing gallons of “Liquid Luck.”
Tom Riddle at the orphanage

That is the look of a well balanced kid.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 1 & 2:

  • Harry doesn’t like other people taking risks for his sake. He’d rather let Voldemort just win already.
  • Despite being free for 5 years, Dobby continues to wear the same tattered rags. His only addition is a pair of shoes. Yeah, that’s all you needed Dobby.
  • The Weasley’s rebuilt The Burrow to look exactly like the old one did. That means their shabby house is by choice and not by circumstance.
  • Every wizard’s house is apparently located in the middle of some huge empty field (except Snape’s).
  • Even though people Disapparate together (holding hands) they rarely Apparate near each other.
  • Harry is a wizard who never seems to think of magic as a solution to a problem. He’d rather jump into a freezing pool of ice water than cast a spell to warm the water first.
  • Everyone is from Godric’s Hollow (which Harry didn’t know). It is apparently the source of all wizarding families.
  • Gringott’s is probably not where you want to bank anymore, because they lost roughly 100% of their staff as a result of Harry’s break-in.
  • Based on the number of people who died on that bridge, there can’t be all that many wizards left.

This post made possible by a grant from SciFi.StackExchange. That isn’t just a plug at the end of a PBS show, it’s the truth. Something like a ba-jillion years ago (Nov 15th 2011) I was one of the recipients of the Complete Collection of Harry Potter on DVD. I chose DVD because a) I didn’t have a BluRay, and b) I am not forward looking.  I received this grant on the promise to help promote Harry Potter questions and answers on the site.  Thanks to my contributions (and maybe others, I’m not keeping track) as of the writing of this post Harry Potter is the #1 tag on SciFi.StackExchange.